Ramadhan

This year's Ramadhan is different as compared to the ones I had for the past 22 years of my life. It was actually quite an experience having to wake up for sahoor at 4:00 a.m. & breaking my fast at 9:00 p.m. here in the States. tbh before Ramadhan came I was so worried as to how I would hold up fasting for 16 hours a day when I was so used to only about 13 hours of fasting for the past years. But indeed Ramahan isn't like any usual months. It's miraculous.

Last month I had a few severe breakdowns, when it felt like I made the wrong decision to come here to pursue my study 9000 miles away from home. I kept blaming myself on; if only I did better with my study during my IB days, I wouldn't need to struggle with my classes to graduate on time. If only I planned on getting a job earlier, I wouldn't have to be so cheapskate at using my monthly allowance. If only I went to the university where my other close friends are at, I wouldn't feel like I'm losing my extraversion self. One by one, regrets kept surging in to me. I felt like I was losing myself. My parents with the same piece of advice, "Pray, when all hope is lost. Pray. He listens. He gave you the feeling of burden, He can take it away." and I cried. It's that feeling when you felt like you want to have faith but you just don't know anymore. For the first time in 10 years I felt so hopeless.

But I tried fighting against that feeling of hopelessness. So I prayed, and a few days after, Ramadhan came. That was when the miraculous moments happened. All the burdens that I felt piling up inside me subsided like it was nothing. Everything started to fall into place, one after another. I got a job at a place that I wanted, I got to enroll into classes that I couldn't before due to enrollment limit, I got to re-arrange my class schedule in such a way since a new class has been offered as an alternative to fulfill my degree requirement and I'll be able to graduate on time. I got way closer with my housemate that we've been putting up with each other's nonsense lately. So many other things happened in a month that put the burdens I felt for months to sleep.

He made a promise in that verse, the whole sentence was a promise to those who believe. But sometimes we tend to be so attached to the worldly problems that it felt like we had to go through it alone and we forgot that Allah could get rid of all of our burdens if He wills. This Ramadhan had been such miraculous journey for my soul just like how last year I had gone through one too, but last year's journey would need a different post or if best for me to keep as a reminder. Today marks the final day of Ramadhan for 2019. May Allah gives us the chance to meet again next year and may strengthen our faith towards him till the end. inshaAllah.