Just how the hack do you leave it when it comes back so sudden?! lmao getting all emotional suddenly.. but seriously people keep telling to let go of the past cos it'll just forbid you from being happy in the future . but sometimes its not like you want it to come back haunting you . seriously, its not like you don't want to move on I REALLY DO but somehow it suddenly triggers me back to how it was back then.. I'm doubting people all over again.. I'm starting to be quiet with guys again... I'm starting to just shut out all the guys from me... It's just hard to trust!
Asking me why? well picture this you're just a 14 years old girl with a bunch of normal friends, suddenly you got involve into a fight with like a group of guys which you never know the reason why it started, then from a group of guys you started to get hate by all the guys in school just because they heard about some false rumors about you then your friends turning their back against you & still you survived the whole year being talking crap at & being bashed by all of those people only after all the shit you've gone through the guys came and said SORRY & only to find out the cause of the fight was just a misunderstanding?! HOW DO YOU MOVE ON TO THAT????
still thinking I'm just thinking too much about my past? you never been in my shoes what its like to say "everything's going to be fine" everyday when people keeps mocking you . to just smile at them walking with your head up high like you don't give a damn about what they do but inside you're trembling & breaking into pieces. I SURVIVED that whole year thanks to my family & putting all my faith in Allah but still although I've tried to befriend guys now I'm still scared its not that I'm angry or mad but I'm just scared. maybe its not about guys its about me.
People say if you bring a brick from your previous relationship you will only build the same relationship in your new one . at the end it'll just crash you again . I'm trying to change that . I'm trying to accept that its just the past & I tried really hard to move on but somehow today it comes haunting when I got picked by my guy classmates I know that they meant it as a joke. but I felt scared. I donno why but I'm just scared that its going to happen all over again.
so yeah... I'm screwed I know HAHAHA so now I'm trying hard to move on. been doing a lot of self-reflecting & mind control & developing positive thinking here lmao its like I'm mentally ill here xD I've been telling myself that its not fair for all of the good guys out there if I'm being like this. shutting them all out won't do me any good. lmao not to mention how do I get married if I'm hating all the guys ouh I'm completely straight btw HAHA still need a lot of support from others and of course to always have faith in Allah :)) thanks to even read it till the end ^_^
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