Tired

messed up week i guess.. i really need to apologize to everyone especially the ones around me.. since the starting of this college's action week i've been hating everything.. >_< i just donno whyy.. just felt tired with everything.. during that busy-hellish action week everyone is super busy doing the best for their teammates while i've been skipping & avoiding all the works most of the time... i know i'm being freaking selfish but i'm just too tired.. it seems like an excuse because it really is..

do you know that feeling when you're just so pissed that you can't even take things as jokes anymore? i'm in that phase noww seriously, something is just so wrong with me... radiating negative vibes are so not me.. or is it actually the real me? i can't even call this mood swing anymore because if it is, my mood is not even swinging with the right pace tho.. it's a roller coaster ride now..

this night only i've been feeling so wrong, embarrassed, fooled, sick, tired.. dude my mental breakdown is no joke these days..... i'm even feeling like my confidence level keeps decreasing.. insecurities are increasing... i just donno anymore.. maybe it's a signal that i'm drifting away from Him.. really need to get my senses back together and seek for His help.. Allah will always be there to hear us out right? :)

i just want to get something straight... i'm aware of people knowing who my crush is.. obviously.. well then kudos to you! to those who don't know you can just ask around & you'll get the answer.. i admit i'm the one making it obvious from the start.. i admit i was stupid for that.. i admit it was all my fault from the start.. now every time i told people that "nah, i don't like him anymore" "i'm moving on" in the end that is all a total lie! i'm not mad at you people.. i'm mad at me..

to be honest.. whenever you guys picked on me about him i really don't mind.. since i'm the one who started this one-sided thing.. so yeah go on.. make fun of me.. pick on me.. talk bad about me.. or whatever you wanna do.. just do it to only me! so.. don't freaking bother him.. because if i were to be him i would be freaking pissed especially if i don't even have interest on me.. so don't go & pick on him just do that to me.. & you people don't have to tell it to the world tho by asking things about him publicly on my account to be specific ask.fm.. i'm not trying to take his sides or whatever but doing these kind of things is just putting him in an awkward situation.. if you people wanna ruin my reputation then just do it to me.. don't need to ruin his.. he too has a freaking life to live bruhh.. i kept feeling sorry these days thinking that i've been ruining his life loll i know i'm over paranoid..

that's enough i think.. been writing a lot of craps.. whatever.. just want to remind you all that people have limits.. i'm not emotionless tho.. i'm sorry.. i know most of it is meant as a joke.. but there's still limits in jokes bruhh.. but whatever i'm immune to all these sick feelings.. do whatever you want i'm okay with it.. in the end i'll be able to stand on my two feet back... give me your best shot.. don't worry of i'm being mad :) because in the end i won't blame others for this.. i blame myself.. so yeah, i'm not mad tho.. hahaha i just want to share what i've been feeling.. loll have fun living life guys.. remember to always brace yourself with all the ups & down.. :) i'm trying to live a life here.. guess this is one of my down moments hahahaha bye.. xD trust me i'll be completely fine the next day :)))